How to Talk to a Reluctant Partner About Couples Therapy

You’re both stuck in an emotional loop where the same arguments keep circling back. Something feels off, but when you bring up therapy, your partner either dodges it or flat-out rejects the idea.

Convincing someone to try couples therapy involves shifting the energy of the conversation and introducing the idea in a way that doesn’t feel like a trap to them.

Skip the TED Talk About Therapy

You might feel tempted to come armed with facts, podcasts, or “proof” that therapy works. But when it turns into a presentation, your partner may feel like a patient instead of the person you care about. That dynamic rarely works out well.

What lands better with them is honesty. Talk about your experience—not therapy as a solution, but the patterns that leave you both spinning. When you focus on the shared disconnect instead of the process to fix it, you’re inviting them into something collaborative, not corrective.

Common Reasons People Resist Couples Therapy

Understanding where the hesitation comes from helps you navigate it more effectively. Some of the most common reasons include:

• Fear of being blamed or singled out by the therapist
• Stigma around therapy being seen as a last resort
• Concern about privacy or vulnerability
• Belief that things aren’t “bad enough” to need help
• Worry it won’t work or make things worse

Knowing which fear is in play helps you respond with empathy instead of frustration—and makes your approach more tailored and less confrontational.

Keep It Focused on Your Own Experience

“You never listen.” “You always shut down.” Those phrases might be true in the moment, but they put your partner in defense mode immediately. A wall goes up before the conversation has a chance to get anywhere.

Lead with how you feel in the quiet moments after a fight or what it’s like trying to reach them and feeling like you can’t or are stuck in limbo. Say, “Lately I’ve felt kind of lost in how we talk to each other,” or “It’s harsh for me not knowing how to get to a better place with you.” That turns therapy into an extension of the relationship, not a punishment.

Give Their Hesitation Room to Breathe

A lot of people don’t trust therapy right away. Maybe it’s a bad experience, or maybe it’s pride. Perhaps it’s fear that the therapist will take sides. Whatever the root of the problem, it’s real, and pretending it’s not there only makes them dig their heels in deeper.

Name it without pushing against it. Try something like, “I get that the idea of talking to someone feels off to you, I’ve felt weird about it too. I keep coming back to this because I think it could help us shift the way we talk to each other.” That kind of honesty is more persuasive than any data or statistic.

Avoid Pitching Therapy During a Blowout

Timing is everything. If you bring up therapy when emotions are already spiked, your partner will hear it as a threat or an insult. That kind of timing sets therapy up as the nuclear option instead of a tool.

Try bringing it up during a neutral moment—when you’re walking the dog or sitting on the porch. Low-stakes environments allow for a calmer tone. There’s no scoreboard, no background noise of conflict. Just two people talking about something that matters.

What to Say (and Not Say) When Suggesting Therapy

Sometimes, it’s not the message—it’s the delivery. Here’s how to shift the conversation: Say this:

• “I want us to communicate better, and I think a neutral space could help.”
• “I don’t think either of us is the problem—I think we need new tools.”
• “Would you be open to trying just one session together?”

Avoid saying:

• “You need help.”
• “We’re never going to fix this without a therapist.”
• “You’re the reason we’re stuck.”

The goal is to invite, not pressure, your partner into a process of mutual growth.

Offer a Trial—Not a Commitment

The idea of long-term therapy can feel like a burden to someone who’s never sat in a therapist’s office. One session? That’s a different conversation—it feels manageable.

Say something like, “Would you be open to just one session, no pressure to keep going unless we both think it’s worth it?” That lowers the bar. They might find it’s less intimidating than expected when they’re sitting on the couch in the therapist’s office.

Take the First Step Yourself

Sometimes you have to lead by example. If your partner isn’t ready for couples therapy, seeing you take the step solo might shift their perspective. You’re not trying to prove a point—you’re demonstrating that therapy is just another kind of maintenance, not a crisis move.

Mention your sessions casually. Let them see how it impacts you without using it as leverage. Curiosity often shows up when they realize therapy isn’t as dramatic as it sounds.

Progress Might Look Like Silence at First

Even if your partner says yes, don’t expect instant engagement. They might sit there, arms folded, say five words the whole session, or pretend it’s just another errand to check off their to-do list. That doesn’t mean it’s not working; it means they’re testing the space.

Therapy isn’t a magical transformation, it’s a shift in momentum. What matters is showing up—and not walking out the moment it gets uncomfortable. You’re learning a new language, and sometimes that starts with just being in the room.

Blue Sky Counseling – Couples Counseling Services Omaha, NE

I, Carly Spring, M.S., LIMHP, LADC, CPC, offer my specialized expertise to assist in the healing process to anyone who may be experiencing and suffering from a vast spectrum of mental health issues. Such mental health issues include behavioral problems, anxiety, depression, grief, loss, trauma, addiction issues, and life transitions. I believe strongly in applying a holistic perspective, addressing your whole person, not just the bits and pieces of you. Contact us with any questions or to talk with a mental health counselor in Omaha today.